Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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