the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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