We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My bed smells like the plague
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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