There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
