I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
