my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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