He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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