WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
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