when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
babies were throwing up all over the place
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize