Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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