Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize