Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
