I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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