weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
