she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
