he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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