I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
