Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
