Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
