I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
