You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
love makes seman taste better
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
