2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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