giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
