So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
