I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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