a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize