I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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