you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
