yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My butt remains clenched, sir.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
