She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
