I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
