Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
