and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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