these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
