they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
