I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
