So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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