I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize