The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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