***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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