my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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