the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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