And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
