If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i think my cat just said my name.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
