I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Apparently you make a good broom.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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