The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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