if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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