He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
