Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
