OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
