I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
