they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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