This dress was meant to end up on your floor
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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