someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
