I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
