So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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