Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
