He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
