He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
