I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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