some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
