you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
