the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
