I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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