4 words: hood of his car
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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