You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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