I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
