Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
