i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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