when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sorry my hands just texted you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
