I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
