I need help removing her.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
