Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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