I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
