Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
