I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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