I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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