Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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