I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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