last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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