I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
