I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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