Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
