i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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