:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
