It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize