my phone needs a breathalizer
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
